Ever feel like your brain is betraying you?

This is what I feel like when I'm studying for the MCATs. It's like I've reviewed the material over and over again, and like snow, it just melts away on the surface of my memory and in the hurry and under the pressure of the exam, I cannot recall a thing. It's as if I'm looking through a foggy window with a blurry vision, and I know the familiarity of the concept I learned, but I just have nothing to grasp onto. I hate feeling being stuck, as if I'm not improving, even though I've obviously been reviewing a lot. I wish I didn't psych myself out so much. If becoming a great doctor is my dream, how am I supposed to get there if I can't do well on the MCATS?

This is when it feels like your desire for success is being undermined by your own brain, and you don't know how else to train it to become more intellectually smarter. Sigh, I should not be complaining so much, but it's been eating away at me for some time, and I thought I would get it down on paper as a testamant..to the torturous process. I know it's just one stepping stone in this path, and I should be grateful and happy that I'm following my dreams, but it gets harder to keep up this mentality and motivation. But, again, one step at a time right?

I thought about all my friends who are getting jobs outside of college, who are going on fun dates with colleagues  exploring the nightlife and food outings. They might not LOVE their job, but they are independent, getting paid, and have time for family and friends. I compare that to the path I've chosen. A year out of college, then 4 years of med school, then at LEAST 3, but maybe up to 7 years of residency, and then finally coming out. It seems SO extreme and different haha. But I've learned the lesson long ago that everyone has their unique path, and I know I would not give up my love of medicine for a temporary job even if it paid me well. And you know what, those 7 years will go by quickly. I mean, I'm almost graduating, and I can still remember back to the days of my freshman year of high school which was 7 years ago, and I don't feel that different/like I've come that far. WHICH MEANS....which means I can be somewhere completely different in 7 years or I could be in the same place going around in a circle, feeling stuck, and dissatisfied  Sure it's a lot of work, but what isn't? Isn't it even more painful to be doing something over and over again that you don't like? I'm trying to learn from the mistakes of other people, those who had "wasted" time/taken the long winding road because they couldn't figure out what they wanted.

Good luck to everyone out there who is finding difficulty following their passions,  but is sticking to them because you know that it will bring you happiness and a one-of-a-kind sense of fulfillment you cannot get from elsewhere!