This phrase has been thrown around, from parents to children, from the words wriggling off the pages of a self help book, echoed over and over in songs, that whenever someone asks what the best advice we can give anyone is, it's one of the first that comes tumbling off our tongues before we have time to revise what we want to say so it's not so cliche.
Yet, if this piece of advice is really so simple, why does it seem so little people can actually achieve it? And what does it even mean anyway? It seems like a pretty lofty thing to tell someone, as if, there's a "you" that's true, which is not the "you" right now, and you just need to be the "true" one. But there's no direction or compass to what being "true" is, how do you even know what that means?
Yet, if someone were to ask me, I'd say it would be the single most important thing you can do for your life.
To be true to yourself is understanding what truly makes you happy, and following that advice above anyone else's. It's a feeling more than anything. A feeling of freedom, of relief that you are finally doing what you want, despite the fears you fear. You've read all those guides that suggests what's right for you, and you pick and choose snippets from it that really resonate with you, but how about making a unique guide that's exactly tailored for you, so you can filter out the rest of the things that don't apply to you.
The main thing I find myself doing when I am not sure of the path I cam taking, is to find confirmation from outside from some "higher authority" and only when they justify what I'm doing (or not doing), I am comfortable in knowing. But let me tell you, it doesn't feel good to make excuses, to pretend I don't want something. (Ie. I want to be a doctor, but I'll tell myself, ah, it's too difficult, the hours are long, you've heard of all those stories about people regretting the decision, and of the sacrificed relationships. Plus, people view doctors as being money hungry, are they even TRYING to cure disease or only treat it temporarily and to make more money.) I think if you look at any field, there will be people putting it down, but the thing is, they don't know what kind of doctor, artist, teacher, lawyer, business person, designer, researcher YOU could be, and are only projecting the reality they see from their tainted glasses. And that's exactly the risk you run doing (seeing through tainted glasses) when you decide to value someone else's opinion of what you should do with your life over your own.
I can't deny some of the things I want, but I'm afraid of failure if I pursue them, so I look for ways not to pursue them (oh, those people who value success aren't usually happy, focusing on relationships is what I should be doing), yet deep down, I know that my relationships would be a lot better if I weren't hiding away from my own perceived inadequacies, and that I'm using evidence from outside to stay where I am, not to take risks, pretending I'm happy when I'm really not. (Psh, but those people who pursue happiness to make money ultimately find that they're not. How do you know you won't be one of them?)
This comes down to, do you trust yourself?
It's not the success, the money, the power that corrupts, that is unless you believe that humans can't make conscious decisions for themselves. And sometimes when we spend so much time trying to learn from the mistakes of others, we forget to allow ourselves to make our own. Stop putting yourself on such a high pedestal!
Only you know if you're truly happy with the way things are going, or if you're making excuses not to grow, get out of your comfort zone, to fail or stumble. Be conscious of how much you want to share with people. In the beginning, before you are sure of your footing, sharing your true desires with others who don't understand your unique path can be difficult when they tell you can't, or shouldn't, and very quickly, you may begin to listen to them, lose confidence, and settle again. Make sure you can stand your ground and thank for them for their thoughts, but say you've made up your mind. You are the only one walking down this path. Some people believe that there are times you should listen to others if they're preventing you from walking down a wrong path, but in those cases, I still see that the bottom line, is you're not being honest with yourself, and others can see that clearly even if you may be blind to it, that you're not honoring your happiness and have gone wayward with your original desires and intentions. Thus, it's great when others are helping you to see that you're not being yourself, but only to that extent. Once you have felt again, your own inner power and voice, you have no need to listen to outside voices, they were simply to guide you back to your center, and from there, it's just you.
You think that by avoiding success, you are helping others, but how exactly does that help others? And you can criticize and feel smug in knowing that successful people aren't happy, but that's all feeding back to your fear of success, and until you deal with that, you're blocking happiness from yourself.
So yes, it's scary, letting go of other's directions, letting go of your illusion of security, and trusting yourself to see you through. When you shine that light out, others will feel it, the radiance, and understand why you are so confident in yourself. By being yourself, by being successful (whatever that means to you) means you allow others to do the same. But know, since each of our paths are so unique, we will have unique challenges that hold meaning to only us. We will stumble, and fall. But know that you don't need to compare yourself to others. If you let your focus drift, you're diffusing energy. Being successful, happy, with great relationships, while being kind to others and making a world a better place are not mutually exclusive. You can have it all. To not have it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong, it means you're on your way. I think, we were never meant to feel comfortable in one place for too long, our nature is to grow, to expand, to reach out into the cold darkness fumbling until we can grasp something warm. In the meantime, it doesn't mean you can't have "confidence" until you make it, but each new experience that you grew with adds on to that confidence.
So, face yourself, embrace yourself with all your faults, weaknesses, imperfections and know that they are not the things that will hold you back, but the keys to your growth and evolution and that's why you should smile and laugh because life is funny like that. Be kind to yourself as you work with yourself, as you would a child, a friend, a family member. And know that the journey of growth will never end, that once you've gained and overcome something, there will be another challenge waiting, so don't wait until you've achieved something to have faith and confidence in yourself, because that day won't come, when you've achieved it all, and if you're waiting till that day, you're selling yourself short. This goes back to trusting yourself, even when there is no evidence that you can "do it". You see, we always wait for confirmation before giving ourselves permission to feel something, but if you reach deep down, there is a natural well of emotions inside you, waiting to give you guidance. So ride your waves and follow those intuitions.
Why I am not an optimist. I never liked using the word "optimist" or "always happy" to describe myself although others would say that I am. That makes me sound like I'm avoiding reality and completely living in my own head. I filter out of reality what is good and healthy for me, and keep my emotions clean. That's it. I don't shirk away from the harsh "realities" but I also like to get a good picture of what's going on. I think we were meant to transform our experiences and experiences of other's pain, suffering into something creative; to speak firmly with direction and hope, but not wishing for a miracle. There are so many different issues so pick one or two on which you can focus your energies to make it better, and acknowledge the others, but don't give your energies to it, don't let it drain you of your precious life force. Some people don't even believe they deserve to be happy when others are suffering, and that's really sad, every deserves to be happy, and you are no different. What you would want for others is what you would want for yourself.
Vulnerability- showing weakness and dependency will actually make you stronger and means you are even more comfortable with yourself. You don't try to hide your flaws and inner weaknesses, nor are you pushing them onto other people, you're simply expressing them, while the whole time, the power is still centered on you.
Let praises as well as criticism bounce off you, like a rain hitting the windows. Do not give your power away.
