Light Rain

(Courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/visitpa/4112912988/)

The light rain falls, lightly over the city, on this warm September day, and it reminds me of fluttering snow flakes. In just a short period of time, the atmosphere has transformed, and the distant lights become warmer, and sitting here reading with my hot cup of cappucino and listening to piano music becomes quite a lovely experience. The smoke rises from the tops of buildings and blends in with the rest of the grey world. I wonder what each person is experiencing at this exact moment. The rain comes down now horiztontally, and sometimes the wind carries it sideways up, and spinning. A mist has settled over the city and the tall skyscrapers are fading to white. I feel like I'm up in the clouds now!

Have you been awestruck lately?

The Biological Advantage of Being Awestruck - by @JasonSilva from Jason Silva on Vimeo.

This video tells us about why it's good for us to be awestruck- it gives us a sense of wonder and adds meaning into life. The world can seem so broken one moment when you are caught in the midst of everything, feeling like there's no end in sight. And yet, when you gaze up into the night sky, pondering at the distant stars that stand, immobile, blinking silently, a sense of calm washes over you and you feel that somehow things will turn out alright. Not now maybe, but you have faith that it will, and that's enough.

Things and moments that make us awestruck expand our consciousness, and connects us deeper with everything around us. It's as if something miraculous is happening, and we're simply observers gazing upon our own existence.

I distinctly remember an experience I had in middle school. It was sometime during the middle of science class, and I was sitting by the window, zoning out into the sky. Of course, when I look out most of the time, I'm still aware that yes, I'm just looking out the window, I'm still sitting in a desk, my feet rested on the ground, my back touching chair, my hands propped on the surface of the table, the teacher talking in the background, classmates passing notes to one another....all those senses are still intact. But this time was different.

I must of have entered some kind of weird trance/daydream event where all of a sudden, I felt at first that I was sucked out into space and all the familiar surroundings disappeared (there were no longer classmates next to me, the ground beneath my feet were gone, the entire classroom dissolved) and it was just me (getting smaller and smaller) and empty space (stretching farther and farther). It was both frightening and awe-inspiring. I remember having these feelings and thoughts flood into me that I've never experienced in my life. In one breath, I experienced how SMALL and insignificant I was compared to the entire Universe. The size of the scale overwhelmed me, literally. I became so small that I felt "nothingness," non-existence. The second thing came to me as a thought as a result of this feeling: it is completely unbelievable, a miracle, that we all EXIST. Just EXISTENCE itself is so strange, wonderful, and against all probabilities. In a SPACE previously of emptiness, devoid of anything...for Non-emptiness to come along is mindblowing. Why wasn't there just nothing, emptiness for all of eternity. If there is existence, there must be non-existence, and the chance of non-existence should be much much MUCH greater than existence, since non-existence requires no energy, no..nothing. Why, HOW do we even exist? This question bore down on me, but before I had a chance to explore it some more, to grab ahold of it, I returned to my current reality. The teacher's voice came back and the windows had screens across them once more, and I look into my classmate's bored expressions which impatiently eyed the clock. But for many minutes afterwards when the emotions slowly left me, I was speechless, and like a fading dream, I could not grasp it as hard as I tried.

I have perhaps pondered the meaning of existence abstractly, but I've never felt it so VISCERALLY throughout my entire body and mind. That little experience shifted my perspective on life, and I was infused with the deepest awe for all that was life, and even non-life, but for things just existing at all. And my own ability to ponder my existence. How strange, and beautiful. I felt like I would go crazy thinking about it now, but I knew that I experienced some "truth". We are a miracle, and no accident. There is something much greater in life to explore, and I was dead set on discovering what it was.

As I got older, I became more and more aware of the world, and noticed things in front of me that I previously could not see. Although we all live on the same planet, many people don't really live "here" but rather some place in their heads. I became more prone to seeing beauty in all sorts of places, and my breath would be caught by the scent of flowers while walking past a corner in the city, the gorgeous fluffy clouds in the sky, the comforting, meditative chirp of cicadas during the summer, the sun setting across a river on a run, the warm breeze that tickles and runs up my skin, the blinding sparkling snow crunching underneath my boot, a cup of warm chocolate against my hand on a rainy afternoon, the trees, the grass, the leaves, the veins....water. How smooth and velvety it was to touch. How powerful it was rushing down a waterfall. How I thirsted for it after ingesting salty foods. How cool, refreshing it was to bathe in. I was just enraptured by it all, anything that was not created by man, and anything that was beautifully created by man to exist in harmony with nature.

Although I still have not found my answer, I'm as passionate as I ever was, and I look forward each and every day to experiencing the magnificence that can be found anywhere.

What has made you awestruck?

Moved into Dorm; Ready for a Third Year!

Just moved into my new dorm and unpacked, which only took about 5 hours! Each year I tell myself to bring less things, and I really tried to, but somehow I still came to Penn with a huge amount of stuff (mainly clothes XD). But anyway, I'm in a double with my very good friend, and I have a fantastic view of the entire Philadelphia city. It is so beautiful, and what's even more convenient is that on top of one of the buildings, is a scrolling bar which gives both the time as well as the temperature in giant flashing numbers. Thus, I only have to glance out my window to see it! Unfortunately, a good portion of my view is blocked by the Huntsman building (Wharton's most famous building). Not cool.

Still, it feels great to have moved back in officially on campus. For the latter half of the summer, I've just been living off campus with the dear old mice in an old smelly house. I quickly moved out of there today, and the final thing I have to do is return my keys! Living on campus feels amazing.

So I'm not a great decorator so my walls are pretty bare. Waiting to see an awesome poster while walking around the city to decorate my room. I'm also thinking about getting these little lantern-lights!

Aren't they pretty? I like lights are dim and soothing, especially when it nears Christmas and the holiday seasons. You just feel so warm and safe inside.

Anyway, I'm going to talk a little about the goals I have this coming semester. I know that the one thing I feel about being back, is how fast time is going to go by. Just as the other two did, and my college career will be over. Back in high school, kids always wanted to finish as soon as possible. I know I did. Man, four years with a small group of kids you knew since middle and elementary school could get a little boring. And then once you found out you were accepted, all you could think about was getting to your college. But in college, I haven't heard of people wanting to "get out of here," in fact, I keep hearing of recent grads really missing college and complaining about the real world. Hehe, I'm not in a rush to grow up and face the realities of the real world. Although I really don't like exams and the stress, I have to admit, I definitely like school vs. working in an office for the rest of my life.

Thus, this year (well let's start with this semester), I want to increase my G.P.A and do the best I can in all of my classes. It's definitely going to be a challenge but I'm up for it! This year, I won't let anyone guilt trip me into doing something I don't like. Here's a great quote that I found:

“As you proceed on your path you will find that you just can’t make everyone happy. In fact, you can’t make anyone happy because happiness must come from within and is always a personal choice. This can be difficult to accept as so many of you were raised and conditioned to put your focus on pleasing others and because of this, have a great fear of negative judgment. Do your best, stay focused on your own unique path and understand that judgment from others comes through the filter of what would be best for them, and not at all from knowledge of what would be best for you. Ironically, by the time a person would have the vantage point to truly understand your unique path, they would have long evolved beyond the energies of judgment. So, stay true to your path, give yourself permission to be the expert on you, and stand firm in what you know is your truth.”


I know that sometimes we get swayed by what we think others want us to do, and it feels selfish to put our "needs" above theirs by tending to our studies or personal well being, but this is different from reaching out to someone who is in need and temporarily putting their need before your own. Oftentimes, it's just that the person either judges you for studying too much, or not studying enough, or not doing something they think you should, or pressuring you. But no, when it comes to these petty things that you don't REALLY want to do, then don't give into the pressure and waste your time. You have bigger goals and dreams that you must tend to and focus on. Minimize other distractions. This is my goal for the semester.

What are yours? 

Can you feel the transition from Summer to Autumn?

"Through celebrations in their seasons are the deeper powers of human nature realized."

-Rudolf Steiner

So today, in the Northeast was a completely cloudy, with a certain chill in the air. For many summer days, it's been hot and muggy, no signs of any changes, except there was more rain. But today was significantly different. The air was calmer, and I realized I haven't heard the loud sounds of cicadas for a while now. It is the first time I had to done a sweater (and not because of the highly air conditioned office I work in) to stand outside at night. 

More than anything, I love the changing of seasons. The subtle transitions that are hard to observe if you don't spend most of your time out-of-doors. I love how it slowly is revealed to you as you go about your daily life. It drags us out of the mundaneness of the mechanical life we sometimes are subjected to and makes us realize that we too are part of the cyclical nature. 

Many cultures celebrate the Autumn Equinox for it is a time of great joy and harvesting. The trees start to lose their pigment and for us, it's a magical transformation to see the leaves change from green to red, orange, and yellow. The colors are ridiculously bright and shine through even on a cloudy day. It stimulates my senses and fill my heart with joy. 

In the real world, school starts for many students across the world, and I too am going back to college for my 3rd year. It means shopping for fresh notebooks, binders, pencils, and highlighters. These simple tools will aid us in filling our heads with knowledge, though it also promises the stress of exams. But even then, all we need to do is to walk outside, put our hands on the bark of a tree, walk barefoot onto the dewy morning grass, or sit on the benches and enjoy some warm tea, to feel the magnificent, loving force of nature that surrounds us all the time. The sterile buildings we work or live in today only separate us farther from the great outdoors. We must leave them for fresh air, or reside in an old-fashioned stone home with a real fireplace that provides the warmth we need against the incoming cold. 

Needless to say, I'm greatly looking forward the experience of Autumn. 

Is anyone else happily looking forward to school? :D 

Reflection of "Why Beauty Matters" - Roger Scruton Part I

Last night, I watched the above intriguing BBC film called "Why Beauty Matters," based on an essay written by Roger Scruton. To give a short synopsis, he gives the compelling argument that while beauty seems to be of no use- it cannot function like technology to make our lives tangibly easier, it is something we have a great craving for, but is deeply being desecrated in our modern society. 

What is beauty:

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder....sometimes. Beauty is both subjective and objective.  It's subjective because we all have unique preferences, and while one thing can bring someone to tears, it can have absolutely no effect on another. It is however objective in the way how things can be generally appeasing to the eye, whether it be symmetrical faces, cultural standards of fitness, harmonious colors, or well ordered or accurately it depicts nature. 

The things we call beautiful are only representations of beauty. I believe that the essence of beauty can only be experienced and felt. Perhaps there is no adequate English word to describe the feeling of beauty, or perhaps it is a mix of many different emotions. We all know what is beautiful when we experience it: a beautiful face that captivates our attention, a natural landscape where sunlight hits the leaves dancing in the wind, a culinary dish that stimulates the tiny taste receptors on our tongue, a sorrowful melody, a warm caress of a loved one, or even an idea that comes into our minds in the middle of the night which inspires us.

Butterflies poised at the edge of the waterfall at Ricketts Glenn State Park

When we experience beauty, something within us is stimulated and we feel a set of emotions, which could range from happiness to sadness, nostalgia for the past or shining hope of the future. It renders us speechless as we let these feelings wash over us, and gently dwell in their transitory presence. Perhaps in the end, we feel reverence, connection with something greater than ourselves but also a part of us, and we are changed for the better mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. 

The importance of beauty:
Yes, beauty may not be of any use or value in the conventional sense, as was pointed out in the film. I also held this thought about those who pursued physical beauty before. In middle school, I remember a girl I saw putting on makeup right before gym class. She had to make sure her skin would not shine with perspiration, eyelashes thick with mascara, and hair neatly brushed as though she were going to dinner, not out on the 80 degree blacktop to play tag football. As a child, the only kind of "beauty" that anyone talked about was physical, and for me, it seemed pointless. Running around would surely mess up her efforts, and would not increase her performance during the game. What's the use of looking good if you didn't have any intellect or skill? What's the use of dressing well if you weren't competent at the job you applied? Yet, I did not realize how narrow my view of what "beauty" was.

I took a class called "Classical Chinese Thought" where we studied several different ancient Chinese philosophers like Confucius, Mencius, Sun Tzu (author of "The Art of War"), and Mo Zi, and I remembering learning that Mo Zi was completely against a category of activities he considered to be "frivolities" that would detract from human efficiency and a powerful nation. Thus, he wanted to ban the arts, especially music, dance, painting, and rituals.

But Mo Zi was wrong to say that engaging in beautiful activities and creating beauty was useless. Rituals have had a profound influence on human life, in cultures all across the world. You may ask what does worship function. Well it feeds the soul.

In the film, Scruton points out that "human life is full of chaos and suffering and the remedy is beauty". It can transform the inevitability and seemingly senselessness of death (in all its different forms) to something meaningful.

For example, slow sad melodies can help us sort our emotions and even release what we feel. This is because we recognize the emotion that is transmitted through the music as something we feel and what others must feel. It binds humanity together and says, "look, you're not alone." We begin to truly understand that death is integral to life, that nature has its own set of laws that we are both bound by and liberated by. 

"If we lose beauty, we will lose the meaning of life."- Scruton

Has anyone read "Man's search for Meaning?" The author argues that humans need meaning in order to continue living. What about those people who believe that life has no meaning? Well, they can squander time, do drugs, and indulge in base pleasures. After all, there should be no spiritual repercussions from these actions, since they don't believe in religion. But spiritual does not mean religious either. Spiritual is divine, is nature, and even transcends the boundaries of religion. And above all, people's indulgence in base desires are even symptoms of spiritual need, but because they have no faith in something greater, they seek to fill that gap through earthly and physical pleasures.

They believe that it is freedom, but it still it is not.  They are still a cog in the wheel, rebellious against society for sure, but they have not transcended. What is the point of transcendence? It''s following a greater desire  that you understand when you are truly in touch with yourself. Why do we pursue what we pursue? Simply because. Just as the flowers who grow towards the sun, do not ask why, we too are drawn to something divine, which is expressed through the beautiful. 

  

Why a Good Cry Can Help You Stay Sane

http://www.etoya.ru/files/images/pub/part_0/14946/src/anime-crying.jpg?500_438

People usually get uncomfortable or immediate react with pity when you tell them that you cried. They think that maybe you’re overly sensitive, or plain weak. They don't know what to do. Of course, they're compelled to comfort you, but are also a bit repelled by the complete uncontrollable flood of emotions that is rolling in waves off of you. Thus, they want to just hand you a towel and not get their own feet wet. I think if I didn't get this reaction all the time, I would be able to not hold in the tears so much until I could find a private place and even then, go under the covers and muffle my sobs.

To me, crying is such a natural bodily ritual that not doing it from time to time actually feels detrimental to my physical and mental well-being. It feels like I'm releasing all the tension, stress, and toxins in my system and purging all the negative buildup accumulated in my body and mind. An analogy would be like retching after eating bad food. Think how uncomfortable and harmful it would be if you resisted that natural urge! Well crying is the same, but because it has a social stimga attached to it (that anyone who cries must not be emotionally stable), it is far less accepted in a public setting and even sometimes makes the individual feel shame to cry in front of himself. This is terrible because crying actually lets you regain control, feel at peace, refreshed, energized, ready to start over after a couple of hiccups and loud sobs. Let me show you.

Yesterday I convulsively cried for 5-7 mins after getting into a very personal argument with my parents that left me extremely hurt and angry. Yet, I almost did it because my body compelled me to. It was like my body telling me, “go retch and feel better” and I did. I cried, loud and hard, letting the waves of emotions crash over my head and fill the room. I wailed with sorry and screamed with rage, almost exaggerating my feelings. I punched my bed repeatedly and threw myself down on the ground. I cried until I released it all. The effects were immediate. After the bodily ritual was over and I was done sobbing and wailing, I recovered so fast. I felt no residual anger at my parents (after all it was a small argument), but I remember the feeling of built up tension in my chest and I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

At college, when you cry people think that you must be depressed or something, but it is natural and it needs to happen. You do not need to comfort me, but just accept it and not judge me. I am not weak nor depressed. In fact, I'm very happy with my life and barely hold any anger for things I felt hurt by. Those emotions are let go, released into the universe which will take care of it, returning only peace and inner happiness back to me. I am more stable than ever and feel like I can face it all...because I know how to fall hard, roll, and get right back up. It’s only something that I need to do. Nothing is wrong. I just need to cry :D

Have you ever felt this way?

To Trust in Your Path

http://static.desktopnexus.com/thumbnails/129715-bigthumbnail.jpg

For anyone who has had the pleasure of reading "Daughter of the Forest" by Juliette Marillier probably remembers the perfect-in-her-imperfect-way heroine, Sorcha. I remember reading that book for the first time way back and thinking how the font was so small and the book was so thick, but just in a few sittings, I absorbed the entire book and to this day, its fluent and poetic writing that painted such beautiful scenes are still etched in my memory. Sorcha was definitely someone I looked up to, and I know that in difficult times, I remember how much pain and obstacles she endured for something she truly believed in, and how everything turned out alright, even though at the last minute she was in the greatest peril.

Some of her strengths is that she recovers quickly from set backs and doesn't let anything stop or discourage her. I want to have that kind of strength, to never be beaten down, to trust in the path you were given. Even if it’s hard, it’s worth it. There is injustice but you don’t lose hope to injustice and the folly of it all. You don’t lose that meaning and purpose even when all others have given up and felt powerless to fear to the uncertainty. 

But we are all victims to our doubts: what if I never reach my goal and all my hard work will be in vain? For Sorcha, she was so close to losing everything at the end, at the fingertips of a deathly fire. Yet, out of no way, a way seemed to have been made. In the book, the fair folk (nature spirits) like to play and torture mortals, though not for nothing. The reward is there if the humans hold out. If you keep persisting and trusting in your mission. Thus, I must do the same. I try to keep my cool, and let it all out when I feel powerless, but to do every little thing I can, and don’t consider whether in the end it will make a difference or not, whether it was all in vain, a waste. If you put your heart and soul into something, the result can never be a waste, so you must trust it. Even as the situation turns for the worse, you must be on the lookout to spot opportunities which can pull you up again. Whatever was destroyed can be built again, with love and care. A broken heart can be mended, and slowly to love an trust again. It will feel betrayal, but it will find its sure footing and path once more. As sure as the sun rises in the sky, as the wheel turns and the story continues.

Another thing I learned is that you choose your own ending. If you follow your heart, you surely will find your heart’s content. Don’t forget to enjoy the little things on the way, and don’t look back at what could have been. What’s been done is done. It cannot be undone. Do not blame and curse if no work results. Cast your burdens and release them. Don’t completely blame yourself for being the indirect cause of misfortune. And remember light triumphs all. There is no darkness except the absence of light. Even on the cloudiest day, when it seems like your world is wrapped in a gloomy, gray shroud, just beyond the clouds where you cannot see, the sun continues to shine just as brightly, and the sky is always always the deepest blue. You can bet on it. You will see the sun and feel its warm rays again, beaming love and nourishment, knowing that it is contributing to the evolving life on earth. Oh how happy is the sun!

Have you seen lightning literally "run" across the sky?- A Storm Hits During Dinner

Courtesy of akhater from deviantart from http://akhater.deviantart.com/art/Thunderstorm-over-Beirut-101982150

When I returned home, and we sat down for a comfy family dinner, I felt a great gust of wind whipping the leaves about on a tree in back of our house. At that moment, dinner abandoned, I raced outside and danced in the grass. I felt the immense power of the wind, calling me, playing with me. One moment it would be deadly still, save the scurrying movement of the clouds and the eerie silence of all the animals and creatures holding their breath, then in the next, in one swift moment, the wind flipped your hair over and ticked your sides. I lay on the grass and watched the sky transforming. And when you felt the first drops of rain, you know the sky’s about to break. One fell right into my eyes and that’s when I decided it wasn’t too fun to stare straight up at the open sky. 

Drop by drop, momentum gathers, and a sudden wash as if there was a dam, and its barricade had dissolved. Like a giant wave or perhaps flood is a more accurate description, the rain pounds down on the ground, on the tops of our car, water to metal, playing a very metallic drum. All of a sudden, the world turns dark. What was once the delicate smooth edges of pan-fried shrimp, was not a lumpy dark mass sitting in even more impenetrable darkness. The darkness, you could feel it. The place where I live is not out in the woods, but I have experienced that darkness too. Deep in the woods, with trees all around, and even with a clearing, when clouds are covering the moon, you could not hope to walk a few feet ahead without completely losing sense of direction, or certainty. You must let all of that go, and surrender, for if you try to hold on to it for long, you will certainly be driven mad. 

Only when you let go, can you find freedom and peace. Surrender to the power of nature. Gasp, I see a brave little plane rising higher with its blinking lights. How close it comes to the lightning. What brave people, or perhaps foolish people would be on that plane. I wish for the best. Nature is not to be a force to be reckoned with. Sit back in awe is the best way to experience it. And the rumbling thunders, a deep bass, deeper than any sound I’ve heard. The vibrations travel through the ground, and I feel it shake my bones in the hollow o my heart. It flips around my stomach and the sound gets so low, so that describing it with ears is insufficient. It must be felt by the sensations in your body. Going up and down from the tips of the head to your wiggling toes.

As the lightening strikes in the sky not too far away, a hue of purple paints the sky instantaneously, and then disappears to a mellow light orange caused by the setting sun. And suddenly as my eyes are fixed on the sky, it finally decides to put on a little show. Three lines of lightning, starting from the north almost dances, no sprints across the sky. I guess that’s where people get the term “lightning fast” from. That is the first moment in my life that I’ve seen lighting race across the sky. AND AGAIN.!!! Though it seemed like perhaps its movements weren’t random. It looked like it’s entire path was already determined, and the light traveled along that given path in a blink of an eye. Before today, I’ve only seen stationary lightening. What a gift. The rain is very light now, not like the heavy downpour a few minutes ago. Other lightning light up the entire sky, and for a second, I saw color again. Instead of all brown and black, I see a flash of green of the grass and trees.

Interesting how I haven’t been bitten by a mosquito…well, I shouldn’t curse my luck.

Why I'm starting this blog

I've already been on this planet for 20 years, and while I don't know how much time I have left, I guess I want to share something and contribute a little happiness to people through the use of creative writing. I love to write, but everything I write, I usually keep hidden to myself because I find writing extremely personal. For the first time, I want to open up and share my thoughts with different people beyond my closest friends. I'm sure this blog will evolve over time, but I hope it keeps its sweetness and stays true to its mission of bringing joy to others. Life is quite beautiful, isn't it? So, why keep it to ourselves?

So what, specifically is it that I want to share? I'm not quire sure myself, but "it" could be the transmittance of emotions, life lessons, brilliant realizations, dreams, spur of creative energy, poems, or quiet musings on a rainy day (yes, I get those a lot). We'll see.